Talking to Each Other

15 Aug

Have you ever noticed when you are upset with a person that you often talk about it to others? Maybe you are letting off a little angry steam. Maybe you are trying to cool down, so you don’t say anything to the person you are upset with that you may regret. Maybe you are looking for an unbiased appraisal in order to understand your feelings/reaction better. Or maybe you just want agreement that YOU are “right” and the other person is “wrong.”

When we talk to others and avoid talking to the person we are upset with, we delay the resolution and expand the issue. And the story we are telling can never be the whole truth, because we won’t know the perspective of the person we are upset with, without asking.

If we are honest with ourselves, we may recognize we are excluding their side from the storytelling. And we may even notice we are omitting a few details that may have us look “bad.”

Sometimes the others we have talked to pass the story on to more others, and everyone feels the need to judge and choose a side. Now we have a “good” guy and a “bad” guy. Oh, dear, what a mess! And resolving it becomes even more difficult.

Plus, as long as we are busy collecting supporters and keeping score, we are too busy to look at ourselves and discover WHY we are upset. We’re too busy discussing our “facts” rather than the truth.

If we simply go to the person we are upset with and tell them how we feel, without name-calling or unkindness (or judgment!), we can have a genuine conversation with potential insights for both of us. We can ask them why they said/did what they said/did…and really listen openly to the answer. We may discover their words/actions had no harm intended, and we might begin to understand the incident from an entirely different view.

And if we can’t understand their words/actions, it’s still always better to forgive and let it go rather than to continue in anger. Can we honestly say WE have never hurt another? Let’s give them the benefit of the doubt and choose to forgive…without the need to be “right” and discuss it with others.

(Photo credit: Awareness)

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